In the beginning of every relationship, we put in our best act to impress the opposite sex. Whether you are going to act natural or fake it, its human nature to want to appear perfect in the other persons eye. A narcissist however, will impress you more than you’d expect. They will act like the perfect gentleman, and grant you whatever wish you want, so long as there is no big money involved.
Once you start dating, the relationship escalates very fast. If you wanted to stick to the 90 day rule, you probably give sex faster than you expect. He will make so many promises, maybe plan on taking you for a vacation. Being the naive person that you are, you get so excited, forgetting that he has no job in the first place. He already convinced you how he is about to get huge cash and keeps talking of how he used to blow money, because he is always living in the past.
Everything is so smooth, you are probably the happiest you’ve been in a long time and that’s when he strikes. Narcissistic people find it boring when things are good, so they find ways to spark trouble. He enjoys seeing you in pain because it assures him that he has control over you.
The fighting starts, you break up in the morning and reconcile in the evening. He goes to the extremes of shedding tears and kneeling down just to you show you how remorseful he is. Because no one has ever gone on their knees for you, you take him back because that is such a sweet gesture. You think he will change, because you had the serious talk, but in his head, he is just happy that he managed to manipulate you.
Things start going good again, but he wants to test you and see how bad you can break. A narc always seeks to manipulate their victims, control them like a puppet, always pulling the stings.
They are so prone to lying and will lie over the smallest things possible. This is a tactic to plant doubt in your head so you have a hard time distinguishing the truth from a lie. This will eat you up, and have you stressed, but they will be secretly enjoying it.
He starts telling you old tales of his ex’s, how much of a bitch they were but at the same time maintain some good qualities of them. You try and make up for the ex’s bad qualities because you don’t want to be put in the same category as the psycho bitch. When you check his phone you find that he has been initiating a conversation with her. He does not love the ex however, he just wants to use her to create insecurities in you. You might start competing for his attention, in the process, lowering your own self worth without knowing.
A narc has no respect or boundaries. He yells at you in public, have childish tantrums or do something aggressive and flip the blame on you. You could confront him of his wrongs, but the situation will always end up with him being the victim. You are always the one who make him act the way he does. Because he has manipulated you for so long, you see things his way.
When you finally get sick of the lies and try to leave, he threatens to go back to the ex. Worse, he tells you that he is going to spoil your reputation among all your friends. So you take him back, you cant imagine him being with someone else. The cycle of manipulation and aggression repeats.
When he finally manages to psychologically, emotionally or physically abuse you, he has no use for you. A narcs aim is to kill any signs of happiness in their victims. He will find a new person to manipulate and do all the things that he never did with you. If you constantly nudged him to post you on his social media and he did not, be prepared to see him flaunting how happy he is in his new relationship from Facebook to Instagram. Remember that vacation he promised you that never happened, he finally visited the place with the girl, probably on her bill because he is too broke to afford it.
He will come back to you life and expect you to spread your legs, because he has perfected this art so you cant say no. He will tell you that he loves the both of you, but he wont treat and respect you the way you want to be treated and loved.
Finally he isolates you and leaves for good. You become devastated because you are already dependent on the highs and lows of the relationship. You are addicted to it like a drug and moving on could be the hardest thing you have to do. Most psychologist says that moving on from a narcissist abuse is like a cocaine addict in rehab.You get tempted to contact him and beg, but doing this only makes him lose respect for you.
The best way to deal with a narcissist is to cut all contacts with him and focusing on restoring your sanity. Healing might take longer than expected and you will keep remembering the good times and want to text him. Be strong, this person does not love you. He loves no one, not even himself.
If you notice this traits in the person you are dating, my dear run for your life.